i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
