i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
