I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The uberlube is also flammable
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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