Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
