What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
