they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
