did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
