i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
