well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I understand Curling. That high.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
