So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
