Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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