Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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