Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
