Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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