Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
