We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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