I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
