someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
