So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
