i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The best revenge is premature balding
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
