i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
