I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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