pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
