My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
