Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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