Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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