Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
