she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize