I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pooping to opera.
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