I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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