singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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