I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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