Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
