I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
