jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
