shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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