At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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