We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
