so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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