I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
