Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
