after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
