awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
