i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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