Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
