I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
