I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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