Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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