Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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