I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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