the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Terrible idea I love it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
