There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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