Jerry, you need to find god
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
