he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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