Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
