Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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