they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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