How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
