Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
