Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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