i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
