people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
