Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
