You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
