I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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