Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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