the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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