That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize