i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found the puke drawer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
