I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
