i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
