so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
