been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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