oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize