Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hippo gnu deer
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
