If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
