none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
