i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
