ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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