I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
