A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So. Much. Porn.
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