My Higher Power is John Stamos
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
