it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
