i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
