Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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