I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
