1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The air was thick with penises
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
