this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
