i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
