discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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