i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
