i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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