Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
