and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
