she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
