i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize