I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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