her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
