I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
