think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
