So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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