He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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