Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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